I have nothing to update...

No, I have lots of things to update but it became nothing as time past. I'm lazy to update the blog, I hate to update the blog.

Confusion and Concession is hauling me off.

I don't know why I'm so damn moody these days. Laughing and smiling around is so suck while the real me is suppose to have 'Deep-thinking' look and the moody face, just a normal face for moody people...

I start to hate some people around me, they're so fake. Faker faker faker... For no reason, I'm superb sensitive to these type of people. Since young, I never miss to hate those fakers around me. Not even one! Sometimes I wonder why others don't realise, why others don't mind and why others don't care. But anyhow, I mind very much. I can't stand facing them, I hate them. But sometimes, I can't stop myself from being a faker too. I still laugh around when I'm sad, and I'll force myself to do something I don't like with a smiley face. I hate myself too...

It's really suffering to hate someone. It's tougher than to love someone. But id always won, poor ego and super ego... I hate my id is so strong that it hurt it's master. Why can't I just be someone very innocent that no matter what happen, I'll be the last person to know? Why can't I just be like everyone, don't know anything and live like a happy man ever and forever? Why can't I just born normal without my stupid strong observant and sensitive feeling? No, I don't know!!!

I feel very happy talking one whole day today. It wowed myself for doing that. I never talk to someone for that long non-stop even to all my best friends which I know since years ago. Sometimes, I really feel I'm so lonely. Why I only have a few friends? If my car broke down in the middle of the road, I really don't know who I can call if my father didn't answer my call. Panic, scare and whatever feelings will surround me and no one could cool me down. What I can do if it really happen? I don't dare to think more because I'll be crying if I found out no one I can call.

I don't know why I'm thinking so much these days. Maybe I watch too many drama and I'm influenced.

signing off,
Fun talking to you xD
and I'm angry with fakers!
I want to keep quiet...

I don't want to use foul words...
It hurt myself everytime I used it and it hurts the person I scold too.
I'm sick with myself for no reason